The Vigil

Viggo reached over and gently pulled Orlando away from Sean. He knew exactly how his young lover felt.  Sean slipping away from them again, missing a chance to connect and try and keep him with them, grieved Viggo more than he dared to even think.  But there was no point in dwelling on that bloody doctor and his stupidity.  Dr Sheldon’s obvious concern began to make up for a lot of it.  Viggo was aware that Dr Sheldon was the best source of information they had right now, and he wanted to get to know as much as he could while they had her full attention.

“Come on, Angel.”  He said quietly to Orlando let’s sit down and listen to what the doctor says and then you can cuddle Sean all you want.

Orlando flopped into the chair again and turned his watery but steady brown eyes back to the doctor.

“You know what my next question is going to be doctor don’t you? What can we do, if anything, to help?”

Dr Sheldon smiled properly for the first time then since here arrival in the room.

“To be honest, from what I’ve seen you’re already doing it.  Talk to him, touch him, climb on the bed and hold him, if you want. We have to break through the fugue.  Just as there is a trigger for the fugue memories, we need to provide first an anchor and then a way back.  If what I’ve seen so far is anything to go by, you two are the best people to provide that.

Don’t think it will be easy ‘cos it won’t. Mr Bean will have to be coaxed and encouraged back, and only he can make that decision in a mind that may not be capable of making decisions at all.  All the rest of us can do is wait and hope, but you two seem to have something of a link with him and I need you, HE needs you, to use it for all its worth to get him back with us.  Then we can begin to work through this, so that this kind of thing stops happening.

I don’t care what the relationship is between the three of you, I am not my colleague and I can assure you that neither I, nor any of my staff is in the least bit homophobic, so feel free to behave as naturally as you would at home, while you are here.

I’m guessing mainly, but I think your experiences together, horrific though they were, have given you a stronger than normal bond and we need you two to exploit that as much as possible.”

“We’ll try doctor.”  Viggo said earnestly. “But the relationship we have now is really only 48 hours old; we’re a bit out of our depth in a way.”

“And he wasn’t out of his when he came rushing to Derbyshire to literally fight for your lives?” Doctor Sheldon raised quizzical eyebrows at the two men.  “48 hours old or 48 years old Mr Mortensen it makes no difference. You are probably the best or even the only hope he has, unless he decides to come around properly on his own, which has been known but is somewhat rare.”

Viggo looked steadily at the doctor and then both he and Orlando nodded.

“We’ll need to talk to our friends and get some stuff sent here. I take it we will be allowed to stay now?”

“Of course you will. I have made arrangements for Mr Bean to be moved to a private room with all the facilities you will need.  As soon as we finish talking here the nurses will be in to move him.  As you have so recently found out we have no idea whether he can hear us or not so … well you know what I am getting at.”

Both men nodded again. It was time to put their own fears and insecurities aside and be strong for Sean.  Time to return the strength he had shown for them.

“I’ll leave you to make any arrangements you need and be back to see you once Mr Bean is settled in his new room.”

It hadn’t taken long for the hospital staff to get Sean moved and settled in a lovely private room on the 6^th floor of the building.

The room was positively luxurious it came complete with its own bathroom, and a spare bed, and comfortable reclining chairs for Viggo and Orlando, as well as extra chairs for visitors.

Craig had gone to get changes of clothes for the two men and Fran was bringing in a portable CD player so they could play Sean some of his favourite baroque music.

It took a little over an hour for Viggo and Orlando to be settled in chairs at the side of Sean.

They each took one of his hands and talked in quiet voices beginning by telling him how much they loved him and how much he meant to them both.

Although reassured by this new and much better treatment for Sean the rest of the cast were still wary, particularly of the press. So Harry, Karl, Dave, John and Hugo set up a rota of ‘guard duty’ outside the room to ensure that only those people who were there to genuinely help Sean would get near him.  This was something for which Viggo and Orlando were eternally grateful.

Also John had been an absolute brick in another area; he had immediately taken on the role of proxy business manager for Sean, taking care of things with his agent and his other business interests tactfully and wisely.  John was no fool and everyone knew that he would keep Sean’s various interests safe without causing any problems for Sean when he recovered. They were all trying to think in terms of when and not if.

Sir Ian and Bernard became even more the stoic elder statesmen they were, handling the press and public enquiries with a grace and quiet dignity that came as a result of their years in the profession and in the public eye.

Everyone else tried to get on with their holiday as best they could and visited in small groups during the designated times.  Careful to keep their mood cheerful in spite of their worry and concern and equally careful not to impinge on the time Viggo and Orlando spent with Sean.

Over the next 3 days Viggo and Orlando tried everything they could to connect with the man they loved so much, but the figure on the bed remained silent and still and totally unresponsive.

Sean’s physical wounds healed. The cuts on his face knitted together and formed light scars that would eventually fade completely.  The bruising turned red, then purple, then yellow before beginning to fade away too.  The head wound that had bled so profusely and frightened them all so much, caused by Sean’s crashing on to the deck at his house, was stitched and healing, but whatever they tried, his tortured and over taxed mind seemed to be refusing to even acknowledge anything that was said or done, or anyone’s presence.

Even the professional cheerfulness of Doctor Sheldon was beginning to show signs of cracking.

By the fifth day members of the cast were beginning to panic a little the holiday was now officially over, but no one had actually left New Zealand, flights had been deferred, agents had been called. No one wanted to leave certainly not till they really, really had to.

Three days later it was Dominic who was the first casualty.  He had been due to start rehearsals for a play in London’s west end as soon as he got back from New Zealand. That should have been three days ago now. It was an important role, one that he had been looking forward to. A launch for his new stage career.  But now he didn’t want to leave.  Elijah caught him on the phone, once more pleading with his agent to get him a few more days grace, please.

“Dommie you cant keep doing this.” Elijah pleaded quietly.  "This is a big chance to get on to the stage for you.”

“I can’t leave now Lij, I just cant, that’s our Boromir lying in that bed, ours, I’m one of his little ones. I have to be here for him, even if I can’t do anything.”

Elijah couldn’t say anything.  He understood just how Dominic felt, it was how they all felt, but this was Dom’s big chance at the stage, something he had really wanted for a long time, he shouldn’t pass it up.  Sean wouldn’t want him to pass it up.

Eventually it was Orlando who took the matter in hand. Elijah had told Orlando on the phone what Dom was doing and when the two went to visit that night Orlando was ready.

When the more normal methods of persuasion by both himself and Viggo failed, as they all knew would be the case, he took Dominic by the shoulders and made him stand at the side of the bed, where he and Vig usually sat.

“You have to go Dom,” he said “you have to.”

“I can’t mate. I know I should, but I can’t.  Not when he’s still like this."

Orlando shook Dom slightly “Ok Dom, I have a question for you,” he said

He pointed at Sean “what is he?”

Dominic looked puzzled for a moment then he thought he understood.

“A hero. A bloody hero. Our hero.”

“Yes Dom, but that’s not what I mean.  What is he besides being a hero?  Being a hero, well that’s just his hobby, what is he really?”

Dominic was puzzled again and silent for a while.  He wondered where this was going. He tried a different answer.

“An actor?”

“Yes!  Precisely!  He’s an actor, and what are you Dom?”

Now Dominic understood, ‘nice try Orlando’ he thought, but it won’t work, still he played along for Orli’s sake.

“An actor I suppose.”

“Precisely!  You’re an actor too, just like Sean.  He knows what it is like to be a stage actor, Dom.  Hell! He says Macbeth was one of the best experiences of his life. Dom it would tear him apart if he thought he was the reason you missed out on this chance. He wouldn’t be able to bear it.  He would want you to go and take that part and be a big success on the London stage, regardless of what happens to him.”

Dom began to sob quietly.  “Dom, look at me.”  The intensity Orlando put into the words forced the corresponding action from Dom.

“That’s the best way to help him Dom.  Go and act. Go and act on stage in London. Go and act everyone else in the cast off the stage, you know you can. Then, if we’re still here on your opening night, still keeping vigil at his side, we’ll have another good and wonderful, positive thing to tell him about. Your success as a stage actor, how the critics and audiences are raving about how good you are. Like they did about his Macbeth, cos you will be good Dom, you will.  Go home and act in your play Dom, for yourself, for us… and for him.  Do it for Sean, if you can’t do it for anyone else, but Dom, go do it.  Go act. Be what you and he both are, what you both share, for him.

Suddenly Orlando was the meat in a Domlijah sandwich.  Two pairs of arms came around him tightly.  There were tears in Elijah’s eyes but he wouldn’t let them fall. Somehow Orlando had found the words he couldn’t, the words that would get Dom, get them all moving again, living again, at least, as best they could.

The next day Dominic stopped by on his way to the airport, to say his goodbyes.  He stood silently at the side of Sean for a long minute, gently holding his hand.

“Come on mate, come back to us.” He said quietly. “You owe me too many beers and you can’t get ‘em in lying here like this. Come back to us please.  I wanna have loads more arguments about the footie with ya, and…” he struggled for a minute as memories and emotion threatened to overwhelm his determination “and I want you to come and see me in the play.  I want to know one night that my mate Sean’s in the audience, watching… watching me.”

With that Dom could say no more. He turned to say goodbye to Viggo and Orlando, hugging them close. They promised him an update every day and reassured him that they would call, regardless of time zone, if there were any changes at all.  Everyone else was still staying on, but Viggo and Orlando both knew that Dom leaving, would pave the way for the others to go, when it became necessary for that to happen.

The days began to run into each other now. Viggo and Orlando looked like ghosts.  In spite of the luxury, they were barely sleeping and neither really wanted to eat any of the food their friends faithfully brought for them.

It seemed so unfair, they had only had one day really to love Sean, when both he and they could appreciate it, and now neither of them could help wondering if that may be the only day they were ever going to get.  They had resolved to stay strong and not to give in to the feelings of hopelessness and despair, but it was getting harder and harder with every passing hour that Sean lay silent and still.

Viggo felt permanently sick, nothing he swallowed, even his own saliva. seemed to get past the huge lump that had formed in his throat.  His stomach churned almost constantly and he knew that he was holding his body relentlessly tight and wound, muscles clenched almost to the point of giving himself muscle spasms. His mind kept bringing up images of the wonderfully vibrant man that was Sean Bean.  Memories flooded in one after another, everything from their time in New Zealand filming to Sean’s last visit to Viggo’s Idaho ranch, where they had discussed this reunion. He could picture Sean in his mind, laughing at a silly joke, cheering when his beloved United scored, enjoying a beer with mates in a slightly seedy pub, equally enjoying fine cuisine and a fine wine in a posh restaurant somewhere in London, enjoying a walk with him and Orlando and their dogs out in the countryside, out doing his lovely garden at his house in London. 

Sean, totally concentrated, as he prepared for a scene, the focused and dedicated actor. The man was a consummate professional; there wasn’t a director, producer or other actor who didn’t admire him once they’d worked with him. 

He remembered how Sean looked when he was playing with his girls, those three lovely lassies who really were the apple of their father’s eye.  Sean was a devoted and totally dedicated father, loving and gentle and yes maybe on occasion a bit too soft but Viggo couldn’t blame him for that, he was too soft with Henry sometimes too, all fathers were he thought. 

Although he tried hard not to remember the bad parts, Viggo couldn’t help remembering the hero.  The man who had appeared against all the odds, at the place where he and Orlando were being held captive and then put his life on the line for them for nine tortured and tormented days, till eventually he had dragged them both to one of their captors Landrovers and driven them all away from the horror and the pain.  He remembered waking up in hospital to find Sean, bandages and casts covering most of his body sitting at the side of him, lending him yet more of that incredible Yorkshire grit as he called it and doing everything he could in spite of his own injuries to help Viggo and Orlando with their recovery.  Through the long months of counselling and therapy Sean had been the true friend.  There, ready and willing to listen, or talk, or just simply be, at any hour of the day or night and oh how they had needed him, used him. When Viggo thought of the hours Sean had spent sitting, or walking with, or simply tending to him and Orlando, the film roles that were turned down because he wouldn’t leave them, the stage roles that were taken and then pulled out of because he or Orlando weren’t quite ready to spend that much time alone.

Finally, the penny had dropped and he and Orlando had woken up to how they felt about Sean this week, and they had had those few wonderful hours.  He knew Sean had been happy with them, he knew it.  Not just because Sean had said so but because Viggo could see it in the depths of his beautiful green eyes.  The killer Bean grins had been back in full force, Viggo would give anything right now to see one of those grins again. Anything… In spite of everything they had said about staying strong and not giving in Viggo felt himself beginning to give way to the tears…

Orlando was shaking constantly no matter how hard he tried to stop it; the tremors constantly wracked his slender frame. He was worried about Vig too now; he seemed to be losing his will a little, in spite of all they had said. Orlando stood looking out of the window trying to think of something else to try to get through to the other man he loved. He knew Viggo was lost in his memories.  Orlando had memories too. Some that he shared with Vig, some that were different.  For Orlando, Sean had always been a mate yes, but he had also been the person Orlando turned to during those dark times, when he and Vig had maybe had a row, or an upset often over something silly. But when Orlando had gotten insecure and convinced Vig was gonna throw him out for being a stupid jerk, it was Sean he called, often in tears of anger or frustration or guilt or just simple misery, sometimes at himself sometimes at Vig.  Orlando remembered the quiet gentle voice that reassured, soothed, calmed and healed his tattered nerves and emotions.  The man who spoke plain common sense and urged him to just go talk to Viggo and tell him sorry or how he felt, or what he was afraid of.  The man who reminded him how much Vig loved him and cared for him. The man who sometimes yelled at him and told him to stop being a stupid arse and just go apologise and make up with Vig.

He also remembered the months of separation from Viggo, the hard months when work kept them apart, and time zones made phoning a nightmare. On those times when he’d missed a call from or to Vig for the 20^th time that day, and he wanted to scream at the world in frustration and self pity it was Sean he called, and again it was that gentle quiet Yorkshire accent that soothed the emptiness and the fears, and reminded him that even if he couldn’t talk to Vig, that Vig still loved him more than anything in the world and that soon they would be back together, back in each others arms, laughing, joking, loving.

It was Sean’s voice that he remembered from those dreadful days being held hostage in Derbyshire.  Even when they had been separated, tied up, in pain, tortured and raped, Sean’s voice had always been there, quietly urging and encouraging, preventing them from ever giving up and losing hope.  If Sean hadn’t been able to do anything for them, he had talked quietly and constantly keeping them all going. Defying their captors with his constant refusal to give in, his constant words of encouragement.

And he remembered Sean calling their names in ecstasy, only a week ago, as he came undone under their loving hands and bodies. Sean’s tender voice whispering loving endearments into Orlando’s ears, telling them both how much he loved them in that wonderful sexy tone.  What Orlando wouldn’t give to hear that quiet sexy voice again right now?  He glanced back across the room at Viggo, and saw the tears in his lover’s eyes, and felt the similar tears gathering in his own…

(TBC)