After the Party

The stars shone brightly reflecting off the rippling water.  Sean sat in the rocker on the deck at the back of his house.  It was a pretty view, rippling water, shining stars, a pleasant end to a good evening.  A beautiful sight the kind you want to store up as one of those mental photographs that you can pull out later when confronted by the ugliness of the world.  Just for a minute this beautiful sight was replaced in Sean’s minds-eye with a much more horrific one.  Bleeding broken bodies, broken spirits, broken hearts, as if somehow, someone, or something had to remind him, taunting him almost with memories. Memories that were such a contrast to the delight and laughter and joy that had been tonight. Sean squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head a little. When he opened his eyes again, the view was back, rippling silver, moonlight and stars. Yes despite the memories it had been a good evening.

Viggo stepped quietly out on to the deck and smiled to himself when he spotted Sean. For all his sophisticated man about town ways Sean had always had a deep appreciation of all things natural. Like watching the stars reflected in the ocean. Viggo strolled up behind the chair and placed his hands gently over Sean’s shoulders.  Leaning over him a little, forcing himself to ignore the scar that ran from under Sean’s left ear down his neck and disappeared beneath the collar of his shirt. Viggo knew that the scar didn’t end till below Sean’s right hip.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

Sean looked up and grinned, “Hey.”

“You ok Sean?”

“Yeah, just watching the view a bit.”

Viggo smiled.

“Thanks for a great party mate.” Sean smiled again as Viggo went on.  “It’s been really good, just what we needed. It’s been so good to see everyone again, for both of us.”

Sean held Viggo’s gaze for a second before he spoke.

“You’re welcome, Vig.  Anytime.”

Viggo wondered about the look but didn’t want to push things.

“Well Orli’s loading hobbits into the car so I said I’d come and say thanks and goodnight from the both of us.”

Sean stood up and turned to face Viggo.

“Like I said mate, anytime.”

It didn’t make sense but Viggo understood. He pulled Sean into a gentle hug.  Shy and reticent Sean never really hugged back but Viggo was used to that by now.

“See you on Monday Sean. Take care…”

Ooops nearly called him ‘love’.

“Yeah see ya then”

Viggo hesitated for a few seconds longer then shrugged a little and turned to walk through the house, to the car and Orlando.

Sean sighed gently and turned back to the view, leaning on the deck rail this time.  He watched the ocean again and tried to ignore the tear that ran slowly down his handsome face.

Moments later another figure stepped silently on to the deck and went to join Sean at the rail.  Another arm slipped gently around him, a female arm this time.

“Will you ever tell them?” Miranda asked quietly.

Sean turned to stare at her and in the low light Miranda could see the shock on his face.

“Never!” He said vehemently.  “I couldn’t do that.  They’re perfect for each other. Soul mates.  I may be a bastard but I could never even think of disturbing what they have.  It’s too pure and too precious. And anyway I respect both of ‘em far too much to do that.”

‘Love them too much’ more like was Miranda’s immediate thought but she didn’t voice it out loud. She was, however, appalled at what Sean said about himself.  How could he think like that after all he had done and been through? The guy was an absolute hero to all of them. Hell if it hadn’t been for Sean … Vig and Orlando wouldn’t…Miranda stopped that line of thought at once. It really didn’t bear thinking about.

“Sean Bean you are probably the sweetest, gentlest kindest man I have ever known.  You most definitely aint no bastard.”

Sean snorted gently. “I have three ex-wives who would happily debate you on that.”

“Well they’d lose, Sean, big time.”

Sean just grinned a little in response.

Miranda sighed, knowing there was nothing she could say or do to change Sean’s perspective right now, she too settled for a gentle hug.

“You’re the best, Beanie!” She said quietly before leaving the deck.

Sean smiled a little again at the sea. Two more tears fell in spite of the smile. Miranda was sweet and he knew she was sincere in what she said.  And yes in a way Sean did feel quite good about himself, for a change.  The two people he loved most in the world, other than his girls, had been to the deepest darkest depths of hell and back over that last months. The fact that they had gotten back was, Sean knew, partly thanks to him.  Tonight had been to celebrate that return with Vig and Orli and their blinding happiness had overflowed to everyone.  Sean knew he would do it all again. He didn’t regret for a second either getting involved or what he had done in spite of all that it had cost him. All he needed as his reward was what he had seen tonight. Viggo and Orlando ecstatically happy, radiant, glowing, lighting up wherever they went, infecting everyone with their special brand of happiness.  That was what Sean had worked so hard for, so therefore he was happy…he was…really…

Orlando was quiet on the drive home and still quiet when they got home…too quiet.

Viggo walked into the den carrying too mugs of bedtime drink.

“Tired Angel?” He was concerned that maybe they had overdone it.

“Nah not really love.” Orlando went quiet again.

Viggo slipped his arms round Orlando pulling him close.  “What is it then Angel? You’ve hardly said a word since we left Sean’s.”

“Oh nothing really luv, just me being daft I guess.”

“Tell me.” Viggo nuzzled Orlando’s neck.

“I can’t Vig … You’ll think I’m nuts.”

Viggo giggled. “Angel, I already know you’re nuts so I wouldn’t let that worry you.”  Viggo planted kisses in Orlando’s silky curls.

“Oi you!!  Less of that!”

But then Orlando went silent again and Viggo thought that maybe he should leave it be. They had agreed to always talk and always listen but that didn’t mean he could push Orlando if he wasn’t ready to actually talk. Viggo thought he may have an idea about what was on Orli’s mind, but Orli was right. If it was what Viggo was thinking, it was decidedly bizarre and could only be voiced when they were both ready.

“Vig?”

“Yeah?”

“You do know I love you with all my heart, mind, body, soul, everything don’t you?”

“Yeah Angel, I know. So?” This had to be going somewhere, maybe just maybe…

“Oh this is stupid.  I’m stupid.”

Viggo decided to go for arch humour.

“Actually angel you aren’t.  Contrary to popular belief.”

Now Viggo really hoped Orlando was ready and this was going where he hoped it was going.

“I shall treat that last remark with the contempt it deserves and ignore it.”

Orli paused again. Viggo waited.

“It was just after everything … and then tonight … I just … well I just … I love you Vig.”

Viggo waited still.

“Well … but … he … Oh hell Vig I cant say this. I feel daft. I … it’s just …”

Suddenly Viggo decided to take a chance.

“Sean.”  He said quietly.

Orlando spun round immediately in his arms a stunned expression on his face.

“Do you love Sean, too?”

“Yeah … well … Yeah … No … I don’t know … but hell yes I think I do. Yes I do.  God that sounds stupid ‘cos I love you Vig you know that. I love you so much!”

“Good!”

“Pardon? What do you mean, good?  Vig?”

“Exactly that, good. Good, Angel, because I think I feel the same … about Sean.”  In truth he had felt it for some time, but would never have disturbed Orlando with it. Somehow he knew the younger man would get there himself eventually.

Viggo felt Orlando’s relief as his young lover relaxed in his arms.  He waited knowing now that Orlando would go on.

“Oh Vig it was so intense. Has been for weeks.  At first I thought it was some psychological gratitude, debt repayment, pity, trauma type thing. It really worried me.  We owe him so much Vig, our lives, our happiness, this.”  He squeezed Viggo’s arms to indicate what he meant and Viggo nodded his understanding. But then as time went on I realised it’s not Vig.  It’s not that at all. Its how I feel.  Tonight I looked at him and I just wanted to go to him and take him in my arms and hold him and … and well and just love him.  I had to keep stopping myself from touching him and wanting to kiss him and I kept wanting to be near him like all the time. I was beginning to think, he would think I was stalking him. I mean you and I are always like that. We walk around glued to each other most of the time and I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks and now … well now I want to be glued to Sean too.  It’s bizarre; it’s so fucking intense Vig. I just didn’t know what to do. I thought I was going mad for a while.”

Viggo chuckled “Oh Angel” he said and held Orlando even closer if that was possible.

“You don’t think I’m nuts then?”

“Not at all Angel. No more than I am. I understand exactly how you feel, ‘cos I feel the same.”

Orlando breathed a sigh of relief. Viggo went on.

“It was so hard to leave him tonight, so hard. I almost cried when I went to thank him for the party and say goodnight.”

Viggo felt Orlando nod.  “I couldn’t, Vig. I couldn’t even say goodnight. I felt bad but I just couldn’t do it.  I would have done something stupid.”

“S’ok Angel. He didn’t mind.  He never would. He just thought you had your hands full of pissed hobbits.”

Both men fell silent for a while pondering.

“What can we do, Vig?”

“I don’t know Angel I don’t know.  I just know I think we should DO something don’t you?”

“Yeah I do.”

Pause.

“We seeing him again Monday?”

“Yeah, Billy and Dom’s breakfast thing at Fidel’s”

Suddenly Orlando went beautifully child like.

“Want to see him sooner, Vig!  Need to!”

Viggo grinned into the darkness. He loved his Orli when he did this; this was the cute Orlando that very few people other than him ever saw.

“Me too, Angel.  Me too.”

“Wanna go back now and get him.”

Now Viggo chuckled out loud. “He’s not a teddy bear Angel, no matter how honey and golden he is; you can’t just go and appropriate him. I don’t think he’d thank us for that anyway Angel. He’s probably, quite sensibly tucked up in bed asleep.  Sleeping the sleep of the just, and all that, as he himself would say.”

Orlando pouted prettily and Viggo stroked his fingers over his bottom lip.

“Angel we don’t even know if Sean feels even remotely the way we do.”  It had to be said.  Much as Viggo didn’t like saying it.

Orlando whimpered and trembled a little in response to this. “Don’t say that, Vig!  He has to.  He fucking has to!”

Viggo cuddled his Angel to reassure him. “Well I think he might Angel but I don’t know for sure.”

“He must Vig.  He couldn’t have done what he did otherwise.”

Orlando’s words triggered flashes of memory in Viggo’s mind. Coming round to see that Sean was the one who had found them.  Sean fighting for their lives, bloody and beaten but never giving up. Waking up in hospital to see Sean sitting at his side determined to be there for them in spite of his own horrific injuries.  Months of Sean’s steady support through all the heartache and pain of recovery. Sean’s joy when they finally made it through to where they were now.  Viggo knew that this was what Orlando was referring to.  Sean maintained he was just being a mate but Viggo also agreed with Orlando, if that was just being a mate then Sean’s definition of ‘just being a mate’ was way off any scale Viggo had ever known. He thought there was more to it but he also knew Sean and he didn’t want to go rushing in and scare Sean to death.

“I agree love but we don’t know how he feels and I don’t want to scare him either.”

Orlando sighed he knew Vig was right.

“True. What ARE we gonna do then?”

Viggo thought for a moment more. A plan was kind of forming in his head … kind of.

“Call him tomorrow and see if he wants to come and spend some time with us.  Preferably all day, but we let him decide.”

“’k. Then what?”

“Then, my Angel, you do the best most gentle Orli-bear routine you’ve ever done in your life.  So tender and gentle he hardly notices what you are up to. Think you can manage that.”

“Yeah I’ll try.  Gonna be hard though. Gonna want to touch him like ALL the time.”

“I know, Angel, me too, but we have to take it slowly.”

“I know, don’t wanna scare him.”

Both men were quiet for a little.  Then Orlando went on.

“Wanna love him though.  Wanna see him come from us loving him.  Wanna hear him moan and scream and see him writhe and come over and over again. Wanna make him happy as he’s made us Viggo.”

“Angel!” Viggo groaned at Orlando’s words and then more as Orlando twisted in his arms grinding their erections together.

“Mmm can we go to bed and practise what we want to do to Sean on each other?”

Viggo’s answer was to pull Orlando gently towards the bedroom.

A few miles across the city Sean still sat in the rocker on the deck watching the ocean. Every few moments another tear made its way slowly down his cheek. Finally as the last of the party candles guttered and burnt out Sean sighed and got up. He stretched, grimacing a little at the pain in his back and made his way into the house, into his bedroom, wondering if tonight would be any different.  Wondering if there would be any sleep for him tonight. Wondering if there would ever be any sleep again. Hoping desperately that here, back in ‘middle earth’, where everything was beautiful and nothing was tainted with the ugliness of the real earth he inhabited he might finally find a measure of peace.

(TBC)